Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Human Exploration

Curiosity. Some say it killed the cat, I say fuck cats. Curiosity has lead to many great things. The human thirst for knowledge is limitless. If it were not for curiosity Columbus would have chilled in Italy instead of landing on the greatest country on the planet. We are a strange species. Never content with what we know. Always in search of bigger and better things.

This weekend I embarked on a culinary endeavor on par with that fateful voyage in 1492. My stomach signaled to my brain that it was time to eat and I obliged. After very little discussion Little Zack and I decided on consuming Del Taco. Del Taco is a place extremely close to my heart. Many a night (and very early AM) have been spent inside a Del talking about other times we have been to Del. I was in need of something new and Del Taco is perfect for experimentation.

The drive over was different than the usual drive there. Instead of dreaming of my usual order I was coming up with combinations and innovations unheard of in the world of Del Taco. As I approached the counter to order I went over the order one more time. I stepped up and started "Ill take one chicken soft taco, one hard taco, and one burrito with....um....Chili....Nacho Cheese...and uh...um..Bacon". Jose or Luis or whatever the polite latino man was named looked at me and without hesitation started typing into his cash register. I was shocked that my order did not infuriate him. Anytime an employee at a fast food place has to do anything outside of a normal order they usually make a point to let you know how much they hate you. Not at Del. Never at Del. I love you Del.

So there it was. In the hands of the Del Taco Chefs. They would take my creation and bring it to life. While waiting for our orders Zack and I discussed the finer points of eating and the fine points of deficating. Zack also went wild and ordered some insane things as well (I cant remember. Weed has ruined my brains) so we were both excited to dive into our dishes. They called orders and it seemed like it took forever for us to get our food. 55....56.....57!!! Finally!!!

I walked back to my booth with my food in hand pretty much drooling. I opened up the wrapper and held the burrito like a proud father holding his newborn son. I swear the little guy said "dadda" to me. I presented my new friend to Zack and without further ado bit into the little fella. My mouth was met with what would only later be described lovingly as "Satans Cum". A huge explosion of amazingness. It was as if Timothy Mcvay filled that Ryder truck with delicious cheesy, meaty, and bacony flavors and my mouth was the Federal building. My senses were attacked without mercy by the bacon. Unrelenting attacks of melted cheddar hit my taste buds with fury. The last stage of the attack hit the hardest. They chili straight up slayed my mouth. My senses will never be the same.

So there you have it, the thirst for knowledge. The endless conquest to be enlightened. I now know enough to fills tomes to fill volumes to fill internets with tales of mad burrito science. I tried taking pictures, but my camera could not capture the awe inspiring images of this creation. Little Zack took some, but hasnt sent them yet and probably wont cause hes gonna be pissed at me. This trip to Del Taco and the new items we dreamed up were supposed to stay a secret. I dont care though. The world must know.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Big Update

So, a lot of people have been asking me "Bryan, did you stop eating?" and the answer is no. I have been so lazy lately its awesome. I also really have not been in a writing mood for some reason. Who cares though. I'm just gonna do some quick little reviews of some recent meals I have consumed. I'm high.

So this bullet sitting above this text is from some place here in Burbank called Santaros or some shit. I love a good hoagie for lunch and this one definitely hit the spot. I got the roasted turkey breast with provolone. I wish this sandwitch was with me right now. Id love to take a bite out of it for sure.

This little guy is the new chicken torta from El Pollo Loco. I fucking love EPL. You cant fuck with a 2 piece meal with two breasts and a side of spanish rice and a side of corn. This new sandwich features a marinated chicken breast with guacamole in between some authentic (yeah, ok) mexican english muffin contraption.

Hello mouth, I am the McSkillet burrito from McDonalds, please let me in. Ok come on in lil breakfast burrito. YUMMMMMMMMMM FAUCK. My taste buds are trying to trick my brain into getting up right now and making an attempt at purchasing this fake ass yet delicious break burit. This thing usually comes with that horrible sausage patty thing. Replace that with bacon for added flavors.

Yeah, so Ive been eating a ton of sandwiches lately. One of the better ones Ive had was from Jersey Mikes. Apparently this faggot Mike is super pushy and insists you get his sandos "Mikes Way". If you try to get another way the middle aged man that only works there as some sort of parole work release kinda thing pressures you into changing your mind and getting it "Mikes Way". That whole last part I just typed is a huge exageration. Infact it might even be a bold face lie. At this point Im only typing because the sound its making is amusing me. I think this sandwich is roast beef with bacon. Put bacon on bacon. Bacon squared. So tasty.

This here is a Burrito Bol from Chipotle. Why the fuck do they have to not use the W in the spelling of Bowl? Fuck you Chiptole. FUCK YOU. This tasty treat has some steaks in it. Some corn. Some rice. The standard shit. It was delicious.