Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Human Exploration

Curiosity. Some say it killed the cat, I say fuck cats. Curiosity has lead to many great things. The human thirst for knowledge is limitless. If it were not for curiosity Columbus would have chilled in Italy instead of landing on the greatest country on the planet. We are a strange species. Never content with what we know. Always in search of bigger and better things.

This weekend I embarked on a culinary endeavor on par with that fateful voyage in 1492. My stomach signaled to my brain that it was time to eat and I obliged. After very little discussion Little Zack and I decided on consuming Del Taco. Del Taco is a place extremely close to my heart. Many a night (and very early AM) have been spent inside a Del talking about other times we have been to Del. I was in need of something new and Del Taco is perfect for experimentation.

The drive over was different than the usual drive there. Instead of dreaming of my usual order I was coming up with combinations and innovations unheard of in the world of Del Taco. As I approached the counter to order I went over the order one more time. I stepped up and started "Ill take one chicken soft taco, one hard taco, and one burrito with....um....Chili....Nacho Cheese...and uh...um..Bacon". Jose or Luis or whatever the polite latino man was named looked at me and without hesitation started typing into his cash register. I was shocked that my order did not infuriate him. Anytime an employee at a fast food place has to do anything outside of a normal order they usually make a point to let you know how much they hate you. Not at Del. Never at Del. I love you Del.

So there it was. In the hands of the Del Taco Chefs. They would take my creation and bring it to life. While waiting for our orders Zack and I discussed the finer points of eating and the fine points of deficating. Zack also went wild and ordered some insane things as well (I cant remember. Weed has ruined my brains) so we were both excited to dive into our dishes. They called orders and it seemed like it took forever for us to get our food. 55....56.....57!!! Finally!!!

I walked back to my booth with my food in hand pretty much drooling. I opened up the wrapper and held the burrito like a proud father holding his newborn son. I swear the little guy said "dadda" to me. I presented my new friend to Zack and without further ado bit into the little fella. My mouth was met with what would only later be described lovingly as "Satans Cum". A huge explosion of amazingness. It was as if Timothy Mcvay filled that Ryder truck with delicious cheesy, meaty, and bacony flavors and my mouth was the Federal building. My senses were attacked without mercy by the bacon. Unrelenting attacks of melted cheddar hit my taste buds with fury. The last stage of the attack hit the hardest. They chili straight up slayed my mouth. My senses will never be the same.

So there you have it, the thirst for knowledge. The endless conquest to be enlightened. I now know enough to fills tomes to fill volumes to fill internets with tales of mad burrito science. I tried taking pictures, but my camera could not capture the awe inspiring images of this creation. Little Zack took some, but hasnt sent them yet and probably wont cause hes gonna be pissed at me. This trip to Del Taco and the new items we dreamed up were supposed to stay a secret. I dont care though. The world must know.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Big Update

So, a lot of people have been asking me "Bryan, did you stop eating?" and the answer is no. I have been so lazy lately its awesome. I also really have not been in a writing mood for some reason. Who cares though. I'm just gonna do some quick little reviews of some recent meals I have consumed. I'm high.

So this bullet sitting above this text is from some place here in Burbank called Santaros or some shit. I love a good hoagie for lunch and this one definitely hit the spot. I got the roasted turkey breast with provolone. I wish this sandwitch was with me right now. Id love to take a bite out of it for sure.

This little guy is the new chicken torta from El Pollo Loco. I fucking love EPL. You cant fuck with a 2 piece meal with two breasts and a side of spanish rice and a side of corn. This new sandwich features a marinated chicken breast with guacamole in between some authentic (yeah, ok) mexican english muffin contraption.

Hello mouth, I am the McSkillet burrito from McDonalds, please let me in. Ok come on in lil breakfast burrito. YUMMMMMMMMMM FAUCK. My taste buds are trying to trick my brain into getting up right now and making an attempt at purchasing this fake ass yet delicious break burit. This thing usually comes with that horrible sausage patty thing. Replace that with bacon for added flavors.

Yeah, so Ive been eating a ton of sandwiches lately. One of the better ones Ive had was from Jersey Mikes. Apparently this faggot Mike is super pushy and insists you get his sandos "Mikes Way". If you try to get another way the middle aged man that only works there as some sort of parole work release kinda thing pressures you into changing your mind and getting it "Mikes Way". That whole last part I just typed is a huge exageration. Infact it might even be a bold face lie. At this point Im only typing because the sound its making is amusing me. I think this sandwich is roast beef with bacon. Put bacon on bacon. Bacon squared. So tasty.

This here is a Burrito Bol from Chipotle. Why the fuck do they have to not use the W in the spelling of Bowl? Fuck you Chiptole. FUCK YOU. This tasty treat has some steaks in it. Some corn. Some rice. The standard shit. It was delicious.

Thursday, May 15, 2008


Good ol Mcdonalds. Reliable Mcdonalds. Mcdonalds is the rock, the foundation if you will of the fast food world. Its the safe harbor in the storm of Yoshinoyas and Papoos Hot Dog Shows. This is of course only counting breakfast items. Everything not called a Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit, a hash brown, and an iced tea gives me the worst bubble gut and subsequent shits. Ive given up on pretty much everything other then the breakfast and the occasional reefer induced impulse Chicken McNugget purchase (which still fucks my stomach up for hours...4:20 to be exact bro).

My boss at work has been getting us breakfast every morning from Mcdonalds for the past week. There is nothing better then getting to save money and eat a delicious fast food meal right when I wake up. Plus it keeps me full enough that I dont get tempted to spend a shitload of money on my lunch. Eating is truely the highligh of my day when Im at work.

So on to the foods. The B.E.&C.B is by far my favorite breakfast sando (fuck you Patrick) at Mcdonalds. There really is nothing better then getting half your daily values in saturated fat and 80% of your daily values in Cholesterol in one convenient little sandwich. I think its been proven by like a lot of scientists that you could wrap a log of dog shit with bacon and melt some (god bless)American cheese and it would still taste amazing. Add a delicious hash brown (8% daily value of cholesterol, bringing the total of this meal to 88% of what you need in a day.) and this is now a meal fit for the gods. Im also pretty sure that the Mcdonalds hash brown has one of the best consistencies of any food I eat.

So in conclusion, If youre hungry, hungover as fuck, or just looking to eat a meal that will shave a couple days off your life, come to Mcdonalds and eat the fuck outta a breakfast meal. It makes everything you do after so much better. You'll probably get that promotion you've been working for, get laid, and see an elderly midget (I couldnt think of any other awesome event.)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Elephant Bar

So, its been a minute since I made a update, but I didn't forget about this blog. Just was not in the writing mood. I'm back now and once again ready to share what I've been eating lately.

Today I had the "Pan Asian Chicken Skewers" from Elephant Bar. According to Wikipedia.com Pan-Asianism is "an ideology that Asian countries and peoples share similar values and similar histories and should be united politically or culturally". What the fuck does that have to do with 3 sticks with some grilled chicken on em and a bowl of soup with some vegetables? One thing I hate about restaurants with themes is the name of dishes. You go to a Red Robbin and have to force yourself to look like a complete tool by ordering "Clucks and Fries". Why the fuck cant I just say chicken strips? I understand that it adds to the theme, but the people running these places should know it also adds to me wanting to stab the waiters in the face.

With that little tangent out of the way let me tell you, this shit was delicious. My Mom and Step dad got me this little credit card looking thing called Marvelous Meals. Its a gift card to Elephant Bar, Ruby's Diner, and Claim Jumper. It had $100 bucks on it so I've been eating a shitload of Elephant Bar. I had never tried this dish, but I felt like eating light and this sounded perfect. I need to start trying to eat a little better seeing as I've probably put on 15 pounds in the last year.

I think that grilled chicken might be the perfect food. I like nothing more than good piece of grilled white meat with some sort of marinade. These skewers tasted as though they had a light teriyaki marinade and also had white and black sesame seeds all over em. I'm guessing it comes with the noodles as a nod to the noodle shops that line cities in the far east. I'm guessing because the farthest east I've ever been is Highland Park, New Jersey and everything I know about Asia I've learned from Jackie Chan movies. The noodles were in a semi salty broth and it was filled with steamed vegetables and mushrooms. I only wish it looked as good as it looked in picture in the menu, but once again, I don't care what the food looks like, I want it to taste good.

Menu Picture.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Philly's Best

Today's entry is dedicated to the delicious sandwich known as the philly cheesesteak. I woke up later then usual due to my shift being switched and thus woke up even hungrier then usual. The second I got to work all I could think of was what the hell am I going to eat today (as always). John decided to go to Philly's Best and I for one was all for it.
We first started going to Philly's Best after reading several good reviews online. I usually read online reviews of places with a huge grain of salt. Go read any review on Yelp.com and you will find dozens of faggots that cry about shit like how a dish is plated or that a place sucks because its crowded (a ton of people in there usually means its good, retards). All I care about is how the food tastes and if I can get the meal for a reasonable price. This place delivers on both fronts.
Today I ordered the Pepper Steak sandwich with provolone and grilled onions. I feel the bread on any sandwich can really make or break it and thats one of the reasons of I love Philly's Best. The sandwich comes on some sort of authentic Philladelphia imported roll that really holds its own against the other flavors. Another thing I love about this sandwich is the contrasting flavors of the sweet peppers vs. the savory shredded rib eye steak. The meat at this place is really the backbone of the sandwich. Its so tender and juicy and I have never bit into any of those had grissly pieces that you sometimes find hiding amongst the meat, just waiting to ruin your lunch.
Now on to the cheese. I have never been to Philly. I have never been to Pat's or Gino's or any other of the famous places, but I have heard that only acceptable way to get a cheesesteak is with wiz. Now if you ask me Id say that is complete and utter bullshit. Fuck any place that claims processed shit that comes out of a spray can is something that belongs on a sandwich. I ordered my sandwich with provolone like any smart person would (even though they do offer the aforementioned wiz and several other cheeses). The cheese on that sandwich is such a great sidekick to the delicious meat. If the rib eye was Michael Jordan the Provolone would definitely be Scotty Pippen.
In conclusion,
If you find yourself near any Philly's Best location I highly recommend you stop in and try a sandwich. You will not be sorry.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Daphnes Greek Cafe

So this is my first post of many on this blog. Im going to use this blog to document all the (hopefully) delicious food items that I eat on a daily basis. Today I tried for the first time Daphnes Greek Cafe. I had always talked shit about this place for being for greek food what Taco Bell is for mexican, but I was hungry and my friend John was going there so I decided to give it a shot. I looked at the menu and decided on the #4 lunch special. It contained one chicken kabob, rice pilaf, a greek salad, and pita bread. I dug into the salad first and was pleasently suprised but the mashed olives and whatever vinegrette was on top. It was very much into it. Next I was onto the rice pilaf and kabob. Im not really sure what made the rice pilaf greek. It was a little bland,
but it was good none the less. The kabob was kinda small, but at this point I wasnt all that hungry so it was fine. The chicken was pretty good for a fast food place and the little onions and peppers were a nice touch. The platter came with some sort of creamy sauce that supposedly was cucumber sauce, but it kinda just tasted like yogurt. Im not familiar with greek cuisine so maybe thats how it was supposed to taste.
All in all I'd have to say it was a pretty good lunch. If you're looking for authentic greek food this isnt your place, but for a quick lunch thats not a hamburger its a nice change of pace.